As I have continued to paint houses/structures, I feel like I have drifted away from my original feelings…or maybe it’s just that they are changing – growing. My sister commented that the images in my art are more barn-like than house-like, and she challenged me to start writing down my thoughts so that I can organize them and help me connect to my work more.

First, my sister is right (shoutout to you sister), the forms in my work ARE more barn-like. And it’s not because we are living in a barn – even though some days it may feel like it. I think it is because we are in a new phase of life. 

“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” -Ferris Beuller

I remember a conversation with my husband’s grandmother. It was one of the first times that I met Grandma Adrian and she was talking about time. How when we are little it goes by so slowly, and then suddenly it starts to pick up speed. You finish school, get that first job, first promotion, meet that person that you may or may not spend the rest of your life with. Then you potentially have kids, get your second job…and on and on and on. Time is moving FAST in this part of your life. Then she said that suddenly it becomes slow again. You watch your friends and family age, move away, grow up, and eventually return to dust. 

I’m not trying to sound macabre, these things are just floating around my brain. We are currently in the FAST stage of life. The one where we have 2 kids in 2 colleges in 2 different states, and time seems to be passing by SO quickly. We have been spending a lot of time driving to see them – to squeeze in those moments together that feel harder and harder to come by as these humans grow up. And recently that time has felt like watching the landscape fly by as we drive to our next destination. As we pass farmland (hello barns) and home feels a little less defined by a location.

It’s nice to reflect on what is happening in my world, rather than just holding on for dear life while time speeds up. I found this BIG word that sort of defines how I have been feeling in this phase. HIRAETH. It’s a Welsh word that doesn’t have a perfect English translation. Sometimes it is translated as homesickness but from what I can tell, the word tries to capture a feeling of longing and nostalgia that goes beyond simply missing a place or person. It represents a sense of grief and wistfulness for a past/home that can’t be recaptured – and maybe even never existed.

So I guess what I am saying is that this life is moving fast. And while I am excited to be along for the ride, I miss some of the phases of life that I can never return to. Do y’all ever feel like that?